CFMGT Chapter 5: Hanging Water

The Cannon Fodder Male Relies on Green Tea to Chase Their Wife Chapter 5


[ 挂水 Guà shuǐ: Hanging water – to have an intravenous infusion; to be put on an IV drip; to be put on a drip. ]

After Xie Lan finished vomiting, his whole body wilted. He sat back at the dining table and stared silently at the dark cuisine in front of him.

It wasn’t until today that Xie Lan suddenly realized that after many years his cooking skills hadn’t improved at all.

010 sensed the host was in low spirits, 【Host, it’s okay if you lack experience. We can practice cooking together in the future! 】

But 010 immediately saw Xie Lan reaching for the plate of food from Jiang Zhibei, and his nonexistent eyeballs almost popped out. 【Host! Don’t torture yourself like this! 】

Xie Lan stuffed another piece of meat into his mouth without hesitation. This time he was mentally prepared. He didn’t vomit but his eyes turned slightly red.

Xie Lan was not completely inexperienced. In fact, he had been cooking for his wife for a decade. The first time he cooked, they were both high school students. Naturally, his wife coughed and even drank two glasses of water after taking a bite. Xie Lan felt guilty, but his wife comforted him gently, saying it was okay, just that he had put too much salt, and with more practice, he would definitely improve.

After that, Xie Lan diligently honed his cooking skills, and his wife praised him much more on the second attempt. Xie Lan’s confidence after he was encouraged. So, he continued to cook for his wife whenever he had the chance, and his wife graciously finished the meal every time.

But after they got married, both of them became busy with their jobs. They also had a housekeeper who cooked for them. Plus, his wife once said, “I didn’t marry you for you to cook for me.” So, Xie Lan stayed away from the kitchen, but he still cooked for his wife on major holidays and their wedding anniversary.

So, did he torture his wife for ten years like this?

No wonder his wife always insisted on him making single servings and wouldn’t let him take a bite! He had originally thought it was because his wife wanted to monopolize him. He even felt quite proud of it for a long time. But thinking about it now, it was probably because his wife was afraid that if he tried the food, his self-proclaimed image as a cooking god for all these years would be shattered!

Xie Lan forcefully took another bite and chewed while feeling quite aggrieved. He thought, “If what I cook isn’t delicious, my wife can just tell me. Why does he have to endure it every time and finish the whole thing? It’s not like I’ll react badly just because he gives feedback!”

010 watched Xie Lan stuffing inedible things into his mouth as if venting his anger, and was genuinely worried, 【Host, please don’t eat any more! You might really end up in the hospital like this! 】

Xie Lan became even more sad and angry, “Even if my cooking is terrible, it’s not like it’s a biochemical weapon!”

Just as he finished speaking, a sharp pain struck his abdomen.

Xie Lan: “…”

*****

As soon as Jiang Zhibei got off the aircraft, he met a familiar military female walking towards him.

This military female had the standard Zerg physique, with well-defined muscles and a stern facial structure. Still, there was a casual and carefree smile hanging on his lips. Unlike Jiang Zhibei and Xie Lan’s black hair and black eyes, he had a lush head of golden hair. If Xie Lan were to see him, he would definitely be reminded of a golden retriever at first glance.

The military female casually draped one arm over Jiang Zhibei’s shoulder and said, “Dear Lieutenant General Jiang, how was your wedding night? Did your alpha treat you well?”

Jiang Zhibei glanced at him and made him instinctively remove his arm with a mild expression on his face. “If other females ask, I might have to come up with a story. But if it’s you, Cecil, do I need to prepare any excuses?”

Cecil shrugged and sighed regretfully. “Just in case. Hey, how about Fifth Highness? Does he think you’re a coward and shameless female who doesn’t know his place, and now you wanted to give him a good spanking? Is he suspended in the basement?”

Although he had rinsed his mouth several times, there seemed to be a subtle taste lingering in Jiang Zhibei’s mouth. The curve of his lips lowered slightly as he said, “Not quite. He knows how to be sensible.”

“Sensible?” Cecil looked at his colleague with a bewildered expression. “What do you mean?”

“Just what it sounds like.” Jiang Zhibei headed towards the elevator. “If you have too much free time, you can go train the new recruits. Don’t fish in troubled waters 1 just because you are a lieutenant general.”

Cecil quickly caught up with him, “No, no, your words just now were too shocking! What kind of alpha could make you say something without any sarcasm? What do you mean by ‘knows how to be sensible’? Can you tell me more?”

Jiang Zhibei stopped in his tracks, and Cecil’s radar for detecting danger immediately went off. He raised his hands in surrender, “Never mind, I won’t ask anymore! I’m really afraid of you!”

Jiang Zhibei gave him a sly smile and said, “If you really want to know, you can come to my house and see for yourself.”

Cecil stood frozen in place, as if he had received the greatest favor. He even started to stutter, “I-I come to your house? Did I hear that correctly? General Jiang is actually inviting me to visit his home?”

“Don’t pretend like you’ve never been there. Wasn’t my villa the one you helped renovate?” The female’s expression was gentle and smiling, which made a few nearby males stare, but his tone was quite cold. “Some of this alpha’s actions have exceeded my expectations, and I suspect that the royal family’s plans may be more complex than we thought.”

Cecil’s arrogance disappeared from his face upon hearing the word ‘royal family.’ His facial muscles tensed as if he were trying to control his jaw. After a few seconds, he relaxed and nodded, “Got it. I’ll meet you at the usual place tonight.”

Naturally, Jiang Zhibei went on his way without hesitation. The two separated, heading to their respective workplaces.

*****

At the same time, Xie Lan lay weakly in bed with an IV drip.

After the family doctor was called urgently, he found the situation with the male rather puzzling. “Acute gastroenteritis from just eating a few mouthfuls of food? Your Highness, do you have any medical history, or is it that your gastrointestinal system is naturally weaker?”

Xie Lan did not dare to tell the truth at all, and could only pretend that he was a poor, helpless, and weak male insect.

Seeing him in this state, the doctor didn’t press further. He could only sighed and advised, “After this drip, you should recover, but please be cautious about your diet in the coming weeks. I will write down a list of foods to avoid, so please try not to eat them, okay?”

Xie Lan spoke softly, “I will. Please don’t inform Lieutenant General Jiang about this, okay? I’m afraid he’ll worry.”

Although the lieutenant general certainly wouldn’t worry and would probably gloat in amusement.

The doctor didn’t know his superior’s personality. He was touched by the male’s considerate and delicate nature, the doctor immediately promised to keep it a secret and then left with his medical kit.

Xie Lan collapsed on the bed, and didn’t speak for a while to 010.

After a long time,  010 used its mechanical voice with a complex emotional sound, saying, 【Host, if this method doesn’t work, we can try something else. Don’t force yourself. For example, delivering takeout to the villain is also a good method.】

Xie Lan had completely lost his fighting spirit. He looked wilted due to dehydration and stomach pain, like a withered little cabbage in the ground.

010 encouraged his host, 【Come on, Host! Since we haven’t really affected the early plot, tonight’s plot hasn’t been altered either. You still have to follow the storyline!】

Xie Lan was confused, “There’s more plot tonight?”

【Yes, yes, tonight the villain will bring the book’s secondary villain to your house for dinner!】

Xie Lan remembered.

The secondary villain was a military female named Cecil, also a lieutenant general. On the surface, it seemed like he had a feud with Jiang Zhibei, but this was actually a facade. After all, he was the one who helped Jiang Zhibei secretly expand the underground chamber to imprison male Zergs.

In the original story, tonight’s plot roughly involved Xie Lan being forcibly kept in the villa by Jiang Zhibei. The next day, Cecil brazenly followed Jiang Zhibei to visit his home out of curiosity about the male’s situation. Xie Lan even felt worse after seeing Jiang Zhibei bringing colleagues home without his permission. He not only scolded Jiang Zhibei in front of Cecil but also threw everything he could grab, leaving glass shards scattered all over.

Cecil had originally been watching the excitement at first but Xie Lan then turned his attention towards him, insulting him as a lowly and inferior female who only deserved to lick the shoes of males. Upon hearing such words, Cecil had smiled, grabbed Xie Lan’s hair, and forcefully pushed his head into the shards of glass on the floor. A series of agonizing screams followed, and the original’s body twitched for a while before passing out.

Xie Lan immediately covered his face in horror, “!”

Although the Zerg’s medical technology was advanced and could cure such injuries, it was still too scary!

010, being a new system with only a few hosts under its belt, was also trembling in fear. 【Host, you must hold on tonight, and don’t provoke him in any way. Or you will e disfigured!】

Although Jiang Zhibei was the main villain in the story, he was Xie Lan’s wife after all. So Xie Lan instinctively didn’t feel much fear towards him. But Cecil was an entirely different matter. He seemed like a total lunatic. Not to mention, the description in the original text of his sudden and brutal attack on the original host caught him off guard, leaving him with a lingering pain at the mere thought of him.

Xie Lan was determined to welcome Cecil with the best mental state, the most sincere attitude, and the warmest hospitality. He sat up abruptly from his near-death state, pushed aside the blanket, and got off the bed. In Xie Lan’s mind, 010 was screaming,【Host, you’re still on the IV! Be calm, the needle might slip out!】

Xie Lan realized and said, “… Yes”

So, he slowly lay back down on the bed and calmly opened the star network with a calm expression, “Then I better order the essential items first. I’ll tidy up the rest when the delivery arrives.”

010 felt numb, “…”

*****

Time passed quickly, and in a blink of an eye the twin suns that illuminated the Zerg land were about to set on the horizon.

When Jiang Zhibei finished work, he didn’t immediately pick up Cecil. Instead, he stopped the aircraft in a place with sparse Zerg traffic and waited. After some time, Cecil agilely leaped into the aircraft. He looked excited and even a bit impatient because he was really curious about what kind of male could make Jiang Zhibei mention without revealing his sinister smile.

The aircraft carrying them quickly flew to its destination as quickly as possible without needing any instructions.

Jiang Zhibei stepped out of the aircraft, and the night breeze gently ruffled his soft black hair, as if a gentle hand was lightly brushing over his slightly furrowed brow.

A slight frown.

Following closely behind, Cecil saw that Jiang Zhibei had an unusual coldness on his face, which was a rare sight. He couldn’t help but feel nervous, his muscles tensing as he whispered, “What’s wrong?”

The smile that usually adorned Jiang Zhibei’s lips was now completely gone. He seemed synonymous with gloom and coldness. His pitch-black eyes were fixed on the direction of the villa. “No lights.”

“No lights?” Cecil repeated. Sure enough, as far as his eyes could see, the villa was shrouded in the quiet shadows of the dimly lit trees. In the next moment, it almost seemed like the setting for a horror movie.

Cecil didn’t quite understand Jiang Zhibei’s thoughts. “Maybe your male went to bed early today? You’ll find out when you go inside.”

After all, there were no other living creatures in the female’s home besides male Zerg. If the male turned off the lights early, the entire villa would naturally be dark.

“No, the home system is set up in a way that if someone is inside, even if they’re asleep, there will be lights on outside the villa. It wouldn’t be completely dark like it is now.”

Jiang Zhibei’s expression remained solemn as he spoke. Then he continued to walk towards the entrance. He used iris verification to open the door—


Might be releasing chapters every other day or every after two days~

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1
  1. 浑水摸鱼 hún shuǐ mō yú: Take advantage of trouble/crisis for personal gain[]

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